Oh, Grow Up!

One of the side effects of adulthood is that you stop believing that grown-ups know everything. You begin to recognize that life is not the straightforward picture you’d imagined as a child. Living happily ever after isn’t magically guaranteed when you get married (but thanks very much to all the fairy tales that perpetuated that story). Your dream job might, in fact, just be a job – great some days, annoying on others, peppered with peaks of enthusiasm and bouts of mild depression. You lose your ability to trust wholeheartedly in your leaders and begin to see the world through a filter informed by experience. For some of us, that filter is like cheesecloth - only the finest particles can squeak past our skepticism. For others, and I’m going to contend this results from a lack of imagination, the filter is like an old colander from the dollar store that someone should have thrown out years ago - everything gets through.

As children, many of us assume adults know everything and that they can help us resolve any situation. I remember one instance, when I was about eight, my friend and I had run home screaming in fear from “The Louis Street Gang.” We imagined the streets of our small Northern city were teeming with dangerous characters just waiting to pounce on us and on this particular sunny summer morning, two teenagers had shouted something at us as we crossed a street. We were convinced that they were coming after us. That the Louis Street Gang had our number and that we would be kidnapped and murdered momentarily. As we rushed up to the house and blurted out our fears to my mother, she smiled and said she would take care of us. I’m ashamed to admit that we said “but you’re a woman and there were two of them”. My mother, assuming a boxer’s stance, burst into a chorus of “I am woman, hear me roar” and all of our fears were assuaged. That was nice. But growing up brings with it a healthy dose of cynicism. At some point along the way, children encounter adults who make them realize that not all adults are kind, smart and funny. That sometimes, adults are mean, insecure or misguided. For me, it was one legendary teacher who rammed the point home in the fourth grade. I haven’t been quite the same since.

I’m not lamenting my loss of innocence. A healthy distrust of authority and of others is a great tool in life. You can’t really believe in yourself if you think someone else already has all the answers. Yet, occasionally, you encounter someone who just hasn’t had that moment yet - an adult who may never learn to filter the genuine from the fake. These people will always believe in the management team of the company they work for. They’ll watch Oprah and never once get annoyed. They’ll hear an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow and will think “what a nice person she is”. They’ll say things like “well the President knows things we don’t know so we should trust that he’ll make the right decision”. In some ways, it must be reassuring to feel that things are as they should be. But, at the same time, this is dangerous thinking. This is the thinking that leaves children in the hands of Michael Jackson or a “trusted’ priest overnight. I suppose there must be a happy medium somewhere, a way to remain skeptical without continually erring on the side of cynical. However, if I have to choose one or the other, I’ll leave my eyebrows raised and keep asking questions. Because, ultimately, you can trust in yourself and, as much as possible, you should also trust in the people you know and love. But don’t trust in someone because of his or her job title or function. You are woman (or man). Roar a bit. See what happens.