The Walk of Shit

I walked to work this morning and spent a good portion of that walk cursing dogs. "Fucking Dogs" I said as I avoided ice slicks and piles of shit. It's been warm lately and the melting snow has left its glaring evidence of dog owners too lazy to clean up after their beasts. I'll admit that the ice slicks have nothing to do with the dogs, but the combination of these two hazardous substances made the walk in something out of a bad, smelly video game. I can understand the human reluctance to pick up a steaming pile of excrement. This alone is the reason I will never own a dog. I will clean up only after myself (of course, I'll change my nephew's diaper in an emergency, but once that kid turns two, he's on his own). However, since you have made many proclamations about the joy and happiness this loving animal has brought into your life. Since you have shown around "cute" pictures of your dog in a Santa hat, or with reindeer antlers. Since you have shared with others how your beast is so "smart" and "loving" and really, really has his own "personality". Then you must place your delicate hand in a fucking plastic bag and pick up after your best friend. It's snowing out? It's cold? TOO BAD! On behalf of the citizens of Toronto the not-so-clean, I thank you in advance.