To Sleep Perchance to Dream

You yawn and decide it’s time to head off to sleep. You’re tired and since you’ve got so much to do right now, you really need your rest. You cuddle under the blankets and start to doze off. Suddenly, you jolt up thinking “did I lock the door tonight?” It doesn’t matter that you always lock the door. That you’ve never once left it unlocked. For whatever reason, you are now convinced that the door is unlocked and that something evil is about to invade the peace of your home. You step out of your warm bed and into the cold air, pull on your robe and head to the front door. It’s locked. Just to be safe, you double-check all of the windows and doors on the off chance that you’ve forgotten to secure some other possible entryway. All locked. Okay, back to bed.

You return to the warmth of your bed and try to get comfortable again. You turn one way, then the other, adjust your pillow and the blankets and finally think that will do it. You start to doze off. “Did I pay the electrical bill?” You start to trace back the last bill payments you’ve made, mentally debiting and crediting your account with all of the month’s transactions. You can’t remember. You have a vague feeling that it’s done but what if it isn’t? What if the electrical company comes tomorrow and shuts off the electricity? They probably will. You could get up and check but it seems so far. You keep agonizing about the electrical bill until a new thought enters your head. You haven’t finalized an important contract at work. It really needs to get done this month and you forgot to send the lawyer your comments. It’s now 2AM. No one is at the office. There is nothing you can do but consider your comments and make mental notes. Actually, there is something you could do. You could get up and write it all down. You could leave yourself a voice-mail at the office. But it’s cold out there and it’s warm in here, so instead, you turn over once more and try to clear your head.

You begin calculations of how much sleep you may still be able to get if only you could fall asleep right now. Right now. Okay, right now. You turn over again. You nudge your partner hoping he might wake up too and then at least you’d have company. He mumbles something and turns over, blissfully asleep; unaware of the turmoil you are in. You resent him his peaceful slumber and turn over yet again. You go to the bathroom and drink a glass of water. You go back to bed thinking that now you’ll fall asleep. You remember an embarrassing incident from high school and start to wonder if others remember it too. You feel the same mortification you originally did when the cute guy whose locker was across the hall laughed at you. You wonder where he is now and think that he’s probably sleeping peacefully. Sleeping like everyone but you. Slowly, the hours go by. One after the other while you toss and turn and agonize over the fact that you are still awake. Random nonsense flits in and out of your mind. At some point, you doze off because it’s suddenly daylight and you need to get up for work. You drag your body out of bed and into the shower. You look at yourself in the mirror and see the evidence of your sleepless night etched upon your face and sagging under your eyes. You head out the door clutching your coffee cup in hand. It’s going to be a long day.