Brush with Stardom

I was on TV last week plugging one of the books I’m involved with through work. It was for a local cable television show that has a viewing audience of about 1 million (okay, call it 1 million or 15, I’m not exactly sure). For all of my arrogance, I’m not actually a very vain person. I’m aware of where I stand on the beauty scale - Nicole Kidman is definitely hotter, but she gets paid to be so I’m okay with that. How I look isn’t something I spend a lot of time thinking about. I like nice clothes and I try to work with what I’ve got but I don’t spend a lot of time primping in front of my reflection. That said, there is something about knowing you’ll be on TV that can make even the most casual person start to think about what that’s going to look like and once you start thinking that way, you might find yourself caught in front of the mirror, critically inspecting the state of affairs. Thus occupied, I noticed three things I didn’t like (or, to be honest, three things I didn’t like that I could do something about in the week before the appearance). These were my long, unruly and somewhat split-ended hair, the gray roots on said hair (premature grayness is not a gift), and eyebrows that hadn’t been tweezed since last July.

I called and booked a haircut for the day of the interview so that it would have that perfect look that I can never repeat after the day of the haircut: smooth, straight, with a perfect little flip at the bottom. I thought about booking for colour too but I figured I’d have time to do that over the weekend. Of course, the weekend came and went and I didn’t get around to dyeing my hair. I’d also thought I’d make it to the mall to have the eyebrows done but that mission never happened either. However, because chance was on my side, the salon was able to take care of all three “problems” and by the time I left (almost three hours after I’d arrived) I was sporting a new haircut, a great dye job and the finest looking eyebrows north of Hollywood. I felt certain this was going to be the day I got discovered.

Thus prepared, I headed off to the studio with two colleagues: a demo artist who would be participating in the interview, and our PR person, who was along for moral support. I was a little nervous at the start but since I knew I looked smashing and was comfortable with the subject, my nerves did not get the better of me. The program host was friendly and sweet and her absolute lack of knowledge about the industry I work in made her less intimidating. We work in 3D entertainment and before the interview started, we had to explain that Spiderman is not actually a live character - that he is a 3D animation. I exercised great restraint and didn’t actually respond with “I realize it’s surprising but, funnily enough, Tobey Maguire can’t shoot webs out of his hands and leap from one tall building to the next. Crazy, isn’t it?” Despite that brilliant show of restraint, however, I did manage to cut her off mid-sentence twice over the course of the interview. I’d like to say I did it because I felt it was important that I assert myself just in case they wanted to give me her job but in reality, I just have a hard time letting other people talk.

In all, the interview lasted about eight minutes. I’d say something about my 15 minutes here, but I refuse to consider that my shot. If I’m going to get fame in this life, it better fill up the full 15. Anyway, I’m still waiting for Hollywood’s phone call. I’m sure they’ll be getting in touch any minute now. I’ll let you know when they do.