Times is hard - do you have to make them harder?

Ms. T. has been quiet lo these many years. You may ask yourself if it's because her life is now all sunshine and roses and she therefore has nothing to complain about. If you asked yourself that, then you probably don't know Ms. T.

No, her cynical ways have not been reformed. Ms. T is as bitter as ever. However, this week, Ms. T. is in recruiting mode and has been looking to hire someone and the results of this endeavour have driven Ms. T. back to this site where she may spew her rage into the ether.

Ms. T. was certain that in this economic climate, it would not be difficult to fill the position. Although the role requires specific skills, it isn't terribly senior and those skills don't require an extensive education. So Ms. T. polished off a job description and posted the job to a recruitment website. Within moments of posting the role, the resumes started pouring in and, consequently, Ms. T.'s vitriole started pouring out.

Now Ms. T. recognizes that these are difficult times and that you might be trying to distinguish yourself from the 45 other resumes received within the same hour as yours. However, Ms. T. suggests you spend a bit more time thinking about how you might be doing that. She suggests you not do it by being an ass. Ever helpful, Ms. T. will tell you what not to do based on some of the wonderful submissions she's received in the past few days.

1. Don't start your email with the line: "Do you have what it takes to be my next employer?" This may prompt your potential employer to think, as Ms. T. did, that they probably don't and to immediately delete your email without actually viewing your resume.
2. Don't send an email without an attached resume saying "tell me what the salary range is because I don't want to waste my time." Ms. T. doesn't want to either so she deleted your email without responding.
3. Don't have a ponderous quote at the base of your email expounding on your life philosophy. Ms. T. has "Quote of the Day" on her home page and has already read your sentimental drivel. She feels no more enlightened than she did before she opened your email except that she now knows you are an asshole. Try to remember that you are not better or smarter or kinder or more perceptive because you can quote Gandhi or Buddha. What you are, quite simply, is pretentious. The only helpful information Ms. T. has gleaned from this is that you have sufficient computer skills to cut and paste.
   
4. Don't sign your email with "Namaste" - see above - also, Ms. T. may schedule an interview with you simply so she can punch you in the stomach.
5. Don't submit a resume saying "I could really use the experience." If 3 years of experience is requested, what you need is of little import to Ms. T. or any other potential employer.
6. Get a professional sounding email address. Don't send your resume from ipeealot@X or mrs.smith@y or lovesex@z. These addresses say too much about you. They tell Ms. T. that you are a freak and that she doesn't want to talk to you once, let alone every day.
7. Don't send a short email and attach your cover letter forcing me to open a document just to find out why you think you are qualified. Why can't you just paste your brilliant thoughts into your email and save Ms. T. the extra step of opening your letter? Ms. T. thinks it might be because you can't think yourself out of a box and she therefore doesn't want to work with you.

Ms. T. realizes that this is a tough time and that you really want to find a job so she sympathizes. She is not completely immune to the trials of the long and occasionally devastating process of job hunting. She herself went through the process not long ago and the wounds inflicted are still fresh for her. Be assured she has your best interests at heart. Because of her warm feelings towards you, she wants to leave you with this helpful thought:

Keep the faith - Jon Bon Jovi